I arrived in Colombia with my bag packed full of Durex and the anticipation of experiencing more undercarriages than a gynaecologist sees in a lifetime.
To my astonishment I soon discovered that most backpackers/tourists I encountered were getting no action from the Colombian women.
I was determined to break into the local market so I set about discovering what I could do to experience these rumours of wild, passionate, all-night-long love making sessions with women that resemble goddesses.
I discovered that there are different techniques that work best on Colombian women, but before we get to those let’s make sure you arrive with a good grounding to build on.
There are some universal foundations that will set you on the right path in your quest for Colombian glory:
- Good looks
- A natural connection
- The gift of the gab
Usually if you have two of the above mentioned you can seal the deal. One to get you in the door, the other to get you in their pants. But if you’re just an average guy, with average looks, a personality that blends in with the crowd, not much cash and average sized testicles in the confidence department, well how do you convert this into notches on your belt.
Some guys are born looking like Calvin Klein models and for them picking up hot women is easier than picking up a loaf of bread. Even if you’re no model you can still do four things that will drastically improve how you look and make you much more appealing to the opposite sex.
Hair – this is majorly underestimated. If you were to improve one thing about your looks do this, find yourself a good hairdresser. I had one hairdresser and after every haircut from her I picked up. Every time I would go back for a new haircut she would ask me my latest story… and the greatest thing, even she became one of my stories!
Clothes – unless you’re a style king don’t select your own clothes. Go to a clothing store that you like and find the hottest woman working there and ask her what clothes she thinks would look good on you. It might feel a bit strange at first but once you are accustomed to the clothes and you’re getting more pork on your fork you’ll soon realise it was a good idea. (Just to clarify, you don’t need to go from maths geek to punk rocker, just be a little open minded).
Body – of course we all want a good body, most of us have an average body and therefore have an average rate of success with women. Do yourself a favour and lift some weights. One night I was out I noticed an attractive English girl from the hostel who kept hanging around me. I got the sense she liked me so without doing any groundwork I leant in and gave her a kiss. She kissed me back plus more! The next day I asked her why she got onto me when I hadn’t spent anytime talking to her? She said it was because she liked how I looked when I took my shirt off while playing volleyball. The work in the gym did all the groundwork necessary. You don’t need to be huge or shredded, all you need is a little bit of tone and conditioning.
Tan – a tan will make you look healthier and more cut, simple as that.
Foreigner = someone with money. You might not be rich, but straight away just the fact you are a foreigner means the women here are going to think you have money. This has been gifted to you and you don’t need to do a thing. Having said that, a piece of advice, if you’re a backpacker and you invite a woman out, don’t act like you’ve only got $10 to last you the next three months.
We all know someone who has charisma coming out of their arse like a golden beam that attracts people towards them, and more importantly, it attracts women. To be more charismatic work on being happier and more positive. Smile more and when meeting people for the first time, know and believe in yourself that they are going to warm to you. It’s hard to be Mr Charisma overnight but it’s something you can work towards.
My cousin is a funny fucker. One night I was at a bar with him and he was entertaining everyone making them laugh. When the bar shut we walked outside and there was a line of women who wanted to get to know him better. Did he get laid that night, fucking oath he did. He banged some woman with inverted nipples!!
But the point here is, if you can make women laugh you can get their pants off. Here in Colombia, if you can do it in Spanish then it will work even better! The thing to have in mind, don’t talk to a woman like she is the last hot female in the world and that you don’t want to stuff it up. Talk to her like she is a dime a dozen, like there are another ten women in the club you could be talking to. This makes you more relaxed and you’ll find it easier to make jokes in front of her and at her.
Now with half the foundations in place next time I’ll continue with the remainder to see your time in Colombia is a great time!
Until then, Happy Colombian Hunting